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So it’s Valentines Day, and you still haven’t gotten shit for your significant other; What the hell are you doing wasting time reading cut-rate investing blogs for? Wait, what the hell am I doing wasting time writing a cut-rate investing blog post for?

We need to get to that last minute shopping.

Forget flower, chocolates, romantic gestures, and cute cuddly bears. And why shell out big bucks for expensive jewelry (sorry honey!) that will only depreciate and lose value. No, this year, get that special someone what they really want; a step toward financial independence with a Valentines Day investment. And if he or she doesn’t appreciate a gift that keeps on giving, it’s not too late to find a new date…

Here are your Top 5 Valentines Day Investments to make this corporately-driven holiday of love a little more special.

Tiffany & Co. (Ticker NYSE:TIF)

What girl hasn’t dreamed of opening a Tiffany blue box to find an overpriced piece of jewelry from the fabled jeweler, Tiffany & Co.

Spoiler alert: the answer is all of them.

But you know what would be better to find inside that little box than a ring or necklace that really says “I love you forever”? How about some nice Tiffany & Co. stock?!

Yes, diamonds might be forever, but shares of Tiffany show true devotion. Up 70% since it’s 5 year low back in mid 2016, she’ll be telling all her friends what a great man she snagged every time she checks her portfolio.

1-800-FLOWERS.COM, Inc. (Ticker NASDAQ:FLWS)

Yeah yeah, I title this piece fuck flowers, and then once I’ve lured you in, I send you off to get flowers. Because let’s be honest, every girl loves flowers!

But when your dumb ass forgets to change the water, those $100 roses are dead and wilted in a week. So you can keep going through the cycle of over-paying for plants that are dying as soon as you gift them, or you can show her you really care and get her in on the money-making bonanza that is the flower business by buying her shares of

Try to make it a little special though, huh. Maybe a poem?

“Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

I bought you these shares of stock to show how much

I love you”

iShares MSCI Global Gold Miners ETF (Ticker NASDAQGM:RING)

As Beyonce famously said, “If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it.” However, Beyonce didn’t famously specify what type of ring.

Did you know that 27% of all marriages end in divorce? Did you also know that 100% of people that gift there significant other shares of the Gold Miners ETF, RING, never get married, and therefore, 0% of them end in divorce. Made up stats don’t lie.

If the loved one in your life believes that all that glitters is gold, they are either a 90s kid, or they would be the perfect recipient of a Valentines Day investment of RING.

LVMH Moët Hennessy Louis Vuitton (Ticker OTCMKTS:LVMUY)

Perhaps your lover prefers the finer things in life. If so, you better start that second job, I have the perfect gift for you. When it comes to high luxury, there is probably no more synonymous brand group than LVMH, parent company of such icons of the good life as Louis Vuitton,  Moët, Dom Pérignon, Fendi, Marc Jacobs, and many more. Check out the chart below from Seeking Alpha for the complete brand map.

If you have no idea what any of those brands are, feel free to move on to the next pick, you peon.

Based out of Paris, France, you’ll have to go to the over-the-counter markets (how fancy) to pick up this stock. An investment of $1000 could get you over 16 shares of LVMH, as opposed to just one lousy, but incredibly well crafted purse. With a decent 2% dividend as well, your lady could eventually use her earnings to buy a nice LV key chain or something. Double gift, you sly dog, you.

Church & Dwight Co (Ticker NYSE:CHD)

If you are totally lost on this last Valentines Day investment, you aren’t alone. Had to do a little extra digging for this punchline myself…

If you are playing along at home, you’ll notice I swapped out the classic V-day staples of jewelry and flowers and champagne for the stocks of companies that manufacture or sell said products. Clever, I know.

But what in the world is this Church & Dwight Co. doing on the list? Was this all a “pump & dump” scheme with a little click bait?


If you scroll down the list of brands of this consumer goods conglomerate, you’ll notice they are the parent company of Trojan. Yes, that Trojan. Nothing sets the mood late on Valentines evening like a little Marvin Gaye, two glasses of champagne, and equity ownership of a condom and lubricant manufacturer.

Happy investing to all you love birds out there!

DISCLAIMER: Members of the team may have positions in the stock mentioned, we don’t get kickbacks, not financial advice, see your professional, other legal and non-binding words…

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