Here at SFE, part of our charter is that “drinks must be imbibed” at each of our meetings. Naturally, this has lead to discussion about what drink is optimal for picking stocks. The debate for the future rages on, but we can look backwards and see what we should have been drinking if we were to best represent what we invested in:
Lending Club (LC) – (21.95)% = Your First Beer
Everyone remembers their first stock pick. Much like everyone’s first taste of beer, it was terrible. Spit that out as soon as possible, learn from it, and move on. I said learn from it! No! Don’t take another one!!
Spirit Airlines (SAVE) – 18.67% = Natural Light
Gets the job done but you know the fun can’t last because at the core, it’s a terrible product. Useful to a point, but much like those 35 cent cans, you can only stand by them for so long before you start to hate yourself.
CVS Health Corp. (CVS) – (11.47)% = Budweiser
You know roughly what you’re getting into here. Falling prey to smaller, faster moving companies, but too big to care about you or your feelings. Nothing remarkable, just hoping that it comes back at some point so we can enjoy the simple things.
Teleflex Incorporated (TFX) – 29.19% = Newcastle Brown Ale
“Oh what’s this? It’s delicious!” says everyone who has switched from terrible light beer to Newcastle. Sweet on the tongue with a smooth finish. Always a good one to stand by and remember the first time you really enjoyed a beer.
Fairmount Santrol Holdings Inc. (FMSA) – 36.52% = Blanton’s Bourbon
Like fire from heaven, this is a miracle in and of itself. The sweet warming liquid calls to you, forgetting all mistakes that you’ve made in the past, pushing you forward to taste the sweet nectar again.
Under Armor Inc. (UAA and UA) – (58.09)% = 40s of Olde English
Playing the classic game “Edward 40 Hands” sounds like fun up front: nobody gets to leave until both of the bottles are gone, let’s see who can drink them fastest! One quickly realizes that just a single bottle is a terrible idea, and in this case, two wrongs do not in any way make a right.
Frontline Ltd. (FRO) – (34.48)% = Any Sour Beer
Your one beer-loving friend insists that this is the future. Anyone with a refined palate would KILL for this beer, to you it just tastes like a moldy gym sock. You keep going back to the well hoping it will change, but the flavor is still terrible. Maybe just one more…
Biotechs = Keystone Beers
Arbutus Biopharma Corp (ABUS) – 28.61% = Keystone Regular (Blue Can) – *takes a sip* “Eh, I’ve had better, but I’ve had worse, and this will do for now.”
Inovio Pharmaceuticals Inc. (INO) – (36.70)% = Keystone Premium (Red Can) – “It comes in a different colored can you say?” *takes a sip* “Wait this tastes like crap, why do they call it premium?”
Novavax, Inc. (NVAX) – (80.55)% = Keystone Ice (Black Can) – “Why do they call it ‘the black death’?” *takes a sip* *blacks out immediately and proceeds to fall over, slam head into table, and bleed out on the floor*
Tata Motors Limited (TTM) – 20.38% = Kingfisher Premium Lager
Golden Indian lager, perfect for those hot, humid days on the sub-continent. Grab it while it’s cold, drink it down quickly, and you’ll enjoy nothing more. Hold onto it too long and it gets worse and worse as it warms up.
OraSure Technologies, Inc. (OSUR) – 34.45% = W.L Weller Bourbon
Value? Check. Consistent performance? Check. Flying under the radar? Check. What more could you be looking for? Don’t fall in line with the “trendsetters” and “experts”, this is one to keep coming back to year after year for solid returns. Unfortunately, SFE finished its last bottle too quickly and can’t find any more at a good price…
Republic Airways Hldgs Inc. (RETJQ) – (62.51)% = Heaven Hill Bourbon
SFE: “Well I liked Blanton’s and Weller, what could possibly go wrong with this one? It’s so much cheaper than anything around it. Undervalued and in a growing industry, it’s got to be a good choice!”
Narrator: “It was not a good choice…”
Buffalo Wild Wings (BWLD) – (33.18)% = Tequila Shots
Remember that time when you saw people doing tequila shots and having fun? That memory was made up, nobody has ever done tequila shots and had fun. Don’t fall prey to false memories or things that you think you know. Also, tequila and wings are a TERRIBLE combination.
Credit Suisse AG – VelocityShares Daily Inverse VIX Short Term ETN (VIX) – (13.34)% = Gin
Try it on its own and you’ll never regret anything quicker. Try it mixed with other things, and keep going with it. Don’t give up on gin immediately after one sip or you’ll regret it like we did giving up on VIX…
Zoetis Inc. (ZTS) – 22.64% = Stone IPA
Everyone has that friend who is really into beers and actually has great taste (not to be confused with that sour beer fraud from earlier). If they hand you a beer, you’re going to drink it. And boy are you happy with the choice here! A laid-back West Coast IPA is the perfect mix of smooth and exciting, and you could see yourself enjoying this one for a long time.
Flour Corporation (FLR) – (22.75)% = Miller Fortune
Another too-big-to-fail brewery released a new cool looking beer! You get all your friends on board to try it, and holy shit it’s terrible. “Why would they do this?” is the first thought to come to your head closely followed by “F*ck the guy who suggested this one!”
MGM Growth Properties (LLC) – 6.64% = Manhattan
Is this what sophisticated people drink? I think I like this, but then again, I’ve only had one…
Ripple Cryptocurrency (XRP) = Pure Uncut Cocaine
What could go wrong?