I really should have wrote about this a week ago but it is still fresh so going to talk about it now. Basically a rich guy in Australia, Bernard Salt, says millennials are fucking up because they go out and spend $22 on avocado toast on the weekend and should be buying a house instead.
I was personally intrigued because I have never heard of this food item and the cost involved. I guess it is all the rage at hipster millennial hangouts. I tried to visit one of these establishments but couldn’t get in them because I listen to music that is actually on the radio and don’t own any stylish scarves or glasses. They could tell from a mile away that I have no problem with genetically modified avocados, or really genetically modified anything, spiders, spider monkeys, spidermen, ect.
The question I do have is when non-GMO is mainstream, is GMO hipster? Figure out that shit for me.
But I digress. The point here is that it sounds expensive but is probably fair. A profitable restaurant operates at 25-30% food cost and I wouldn’t be surprised that all the ingredients are fancy and cost $6-7. A person could save all that labor, overhead, and margin and make it themselves, however even the simplest at-home toast would have three steps including waiting an eternity for the toast itself to ejaculate from the toaster. I’ve been told a good strategy is to think about baseball or something like that to take your mind off it, but it generally just decides to pop out whenever it wants and scare the shit out of you so might as well plan for that.
I also think it’s amazing how toast goes from bread to toast in five thousand minutes but then toast to charcoal briquette in one second.
All this factored in, pay someone else for toast and definitely don’t think you have to choose it over a house. A $50,000 down payment would require you to eat over 2,100 avocado toasts. That is one a day for six years and fucking insane. It would also play havoc on your ability to wear slim fit twill pants.
The actual point of this article. As with all hipster and millennial things, the frontrunners crave the newest of things like the avocado latte (link below) and we need to get on this train and think about how to mash some foods together and charge $20. I’m thinking ice cream. We will have five flavors, avocado (obviously), kambucha, brussel sprouts, bacon doughnut, and PBR. We serve our ice cream in a mason jar with spoons we whittle ourselves.
Conveniently this idea is in our grasp with distribution at Whole Foods (see below). We have two weeks to put an offer. All we have to do is get chest tattoos, stock up on beard oil, and change Shilp/John’s name to Steve. Probably should also request the financials.
To be fair, I am kind of serious. Maybe this concept has some legs.